Setting Meaningful Intentions

As I mentioned in Annual Lobotomy, setting intentions is something I do daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. While every day can feel like a fresh start, there’s something special and exciting about determining my intentions for the year.

With the downtime toward the end of the year, I slow down. There’s also a more relaxed energy since the world has slowed down. Businesses shut down, priorities shift, people all of a sudden have the time to do what has been piling up for a year.

Feeling clear-headed, it’s much easier to reflect on my past experiences. And when the New Year arrives I feel like a new person who has shed her old skin. I’m ready to let go of what didn’t work so well and do more of what does work for me. I’m ready to shed old, negative stories and replace them with more truthful, positive views of myself. 

This process doesn’t happen in just a day for me. Because I tend to have more time, I take several weeks to observe myself. I do a combination of writing, observing, experimenting. Here’s a more in-depth look at what my process looks like (than Annual Lobotomy), in case you haven’t yet had a chance to determine what you want your 2010 to look like.

Two Types Of Changes

Some of what surfaces are easy fixes, like doing a few things to minimize email. And some are bigger, more internal changes that require me to take small steps to change a negative story I have playing in my head.

Listening And Observing

To identify where I’d like to focus my energy in 2010, I slowed down and listened to myself. This means listening to the dialogue inside your head and observing your actions. What are you saying to yourself (e.g., about your career, relationships, friendships, money, family, raising kids, etc.)? How do you feel about your life, or something as simple as how your day is going?

Is your dialogue negative – are you feeling uncomfortable, frustrated, annoyed, etc.? Whenever I grew impatient with something – like checking more email than I’d like - I knew it would go on my list of not so helpful habits.

Sometimes the pain I felt was deeper. I thought about the ways in which I fight my natural ways. I thought about how I’d like to appreciate myself more and play to my strengths more. I dug deep when I judged myself to get to the root of why I have internalized such a negative view of myself. I explored the pain and the incidents that nurtured my negative story, or misbeliefs. I also got more clear on what triggered my negative dialogue - what I was doing and when.

Of course, all our thoughts aren’t self-bashing. When is your dialogue positive? I paid much closer attention to what makes me really happy. I love to write, so when I didn’t write and share as much in December, I was pretty bummed. Now I know that I don’t want to do less of something that makes me so happy and true to myself. When I write, I feel genuine and tend to talk to myself with more kindness and compassion.

By uncovering what is adding to your list of frustrations and also to your list of happy-makers, you can begin to better understand your habits and thoughts. Once you understand your habits and thoughts, you can experiment with small changes to shift them when needed.

Experimenting

Experimenting is all about taking small steps to begin to shift your habits and your negative story to a more truthful one that will better serve you and your new intentions. 

With annoyances like putting more than can realistically do on my to-do list or schedule, I began to make small changes to free myself of the conflict I experienced. So, I thought of ways that I could give myself less busy work, book less appointments in a week and minimize my email.

The internal changes seem tougher to make, like thinking I’m lazy because I like to sleep in or thinking I’m not competent enough, but they’re doable.

To shift my self-view of my competence, I thought about the moments in which I do feel smart and resourceful, like when I’m writing. So, I decided to write more because it makes me feel smart, authentic and empowered. I’m hoping the more I do things that I love to do, the more I’ll begin to change this story. 

Courtesy of Muffet on Flickr

Embracing

This year, instead of focusing on the endless list of things I’d like to “fix” about myself, I’m going to train myself like we train our dog. Just like we're learning to replace his bad habits with good ones, I’m going to learn to replace my habits and stories that I’m not so crazy about with ones that are more helpful to me. I'm going to rewrite my stories so I can embrace, rather than belittle, me.

For example, instead of telling myself I should talk to myself with more compassion, I’ve been creating more situations that naturally make me feel good and minimizing doing sh#$ that makes me feel bad. This way I’m not forcing anything. My internal dialogue is naturally improving and I’m feeling better about myself. 

I’m focusing on doing more of what works for me, rather than less of what doesn’t. By focusing on what I do well and just doing it, I’m beginning to appreciate my strengths more. As I increasingly validate myself, my misbeliefs slowly dissipate.

Of course this process I go through requires constant mindfulness throughout the year. Doing this over the course of a few weeks won’t change me permanently. But, it certainly gives me stronger and happier legs to walk with during my journey.