Annual Lobotomy

 Courtesy of D'Arcy Norman on Flickr

The end of a year and the beginning of a new one is a beautiful time of year for me. The actual closing of a year leads me to reflect on what I’m leaving behind and saying goodbye to. And, the anticipation of the New Year gets me excited about the possibilities and opportunities I want to say hello to.

Although I typically set an intention for my day, week and month, there’s something powerful about looking back on and forward to an entire year. You get to pick a theme(s) that will tie together your energy and effort moving forward.

Muck And The Must-Haves

During this time, I tend to think about the misbeliefs - negative untruths that I’ve somehow adopted and believed along the way. And, I reflect on the unhelpful habits I continue on autopilot. This is the stuff that works against me.

I look at the things, the people and the priorities in my life and mentally rank them. As I’m saying farewell to an old phase and welcome a new one, like a new year, this helps me reinforce what my priorities will be, where I’ll focus my time, effort and energy. 

And finally, I set intentions for what is working, for what I want moving forward. Separating the muck from the must-haves is making the distinction between what I want less of and what I want to invite more of in my life.

Myths and Misbeliefs

The first step for me is to identify the misbeliefs that are most active at the moment. While the same ones always exist, there’s usually a new layer I identify and want to shed, like peeling back an onion.

I’m pretty honest with myself during this process because I know I can’t let go of something I’m too afraid to acknowledge. And believe me, I’ve tried repression. Denial can be a happy place to live, for a short time at least.

Here is the stuff I want less of in 2010…

Misbeliefs

• I’m immature and lazy because I go to bed “late” and don’t wake up early enough (love the inference of inadequacy here)
• I don’t start my workday early enough (hello again)
• I’m not competent enough (one more time) to create a meaningful, flourishing career
• My Happimess is not good enough (and again and no one would miss it if it were gone
• I’m not bringing in enough (it’s a record people!) money and am a burden on my husband

Behaviors

• Putting more than I want to realistically do in a given day on my to-do list, thus setting myself up for failure when I “fall short”
• Assigning the same urgency to every email and every task, thus often feeling overwhelmed
• Over-promising and stressing out over all the things I don’t really want to do (that I promised to do)
• Fighting and trying to fix my natural tendencies and process instead of playing to my strengths

Molting

Once I’m clear on the negative crap I’ve been telling myself over and over again, it’s time to bust some chops. I delve into each misbelief, find out where it came from, what I’m doing to perpetuate it and what I can do to slowly release it.

I sit with each one throughout the month and allow myself to feel the emotions attached to each – often based on feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, incompetence, etc. There are lots and lots of judgments to deal with. Fun times.

When I can finally see the misbeliefs for what they are…misbeliefs and myths, I experience a shedding process, kinda like molting.

Moving Forward

When looking forward, I uncover what excites me, like writing, organizing, connecting with others, my partnership with Ted, etc. It’s this exploring that shows me who I am and the kind of person, wife, mother and professional I’d like to be, especially when the sh$# hits the fan.

I try not to visualize in a rigid way, so if I stray slightly from the image I have in my head I feel like a failure. These to me are intentions, not resolutions. I, of all people, have no business setting resolutions. The finality of that word scares the crap out of me anyway.

I don’t want to fix myself. In fact, that’s what I’m trying to get away from – this attitude that I’m broken and that I won’t be worthy until, when and if I fix every single problematic behavior of mine.

Instead, I want to live in the land between rules and no rules, with the flexibility to improvise and refine as I move forward, further understanding and embracing what makes me, me.

Meaning

So, I’ll stick to what I intend and mean for myself this year, thank you. They help me focus my energy on the possibilities that lie ahead. It’s like hitting the reset button and starting fresh (well, almost). My intentions serve as a guide, not as a dictator, moving me into a new way of being into the New Year.

Here is the stuff I want more of in 2010…

Intentions

• Listen to my misbeliefs; see them for what they are and move forward
• Do more stuff that I love to do and am great at
• Do less of anything that I hate doing, that is a waste of my time
• Say no to everything (in my head) before I say yes to some things
• Appreciate myself, my unique qualities and gifts
• Embrace my non-linear process and way of being, since I’ll probably reach the same outcome as most others do anyway
• Go to bed and wake up whenever I feel like it as long as I can (pre-child)
• Get more quality and quantity of sleep
• Collaborate with people I click with to keep the juices flowing

Overall, I’d say doing more of what feels authentic, appreciating myself more and listening to my “inner guidance” (see Adding More ~ing To My Life).

Maintenance

I look forward to this New Year as a fresh start, as a way to be more mindful of my existing misbeliefs and to find ways to heal them.

I’m also excited about the stuff I want more of in my life – what form it will arrive in, all the fun things I’ll get to do, all the ways in which I can further connect to who I am.